The Fall

It sounds more ominous than it is... The Fall.  But here I am, struggling with intuition versus reason.  Or perhaps it is not intuition so much as feeling.  I am pulling away or pushing away from something that seems good and important and working on figuring out what that feeling derives from.  I want to be honest with myself and clear.  I want to be living intentionally, but the mind can become a bit of a tangled maze and I am not finding any clear answers.  I am reading a lot.  Can the Dalai Lama help?  Martha Beck?  Eckhart Tolle?  But no answers are clear.  

I know that I love my kids and want to be with them, first and foremost.  I love helping others through my work and interactions.  I feel great after going to Bikram, though getting myself into that hot room is sometimes quite a challenge.  But Relationship, the romantic kind?  Why don't I feel like I have room in my life for that right now?  Why do I get so claustrophobic feeling?  Romantic love is the most beautiful and lovely thing and I am so fortunate to even have a chance at it, but then why is it making me feel badly in the pit of my stomach.  I know that that feeling must be telling me something.  Am I not letting myself be still enough to be present for whatever the answer is, or is there no one answer to be heard?