Paco in the snow 2-4-2011

It has continued to snow here.  Now there are some three feet on the ground.  I rode Paco on Friday and Saturday.  On Friday, we rode out into the snow.  It was deep, up to his chest.  He walked eagerly through the deep fluffy snow.  It was all the way up to his chest.  We didn't go terribly far.  He was so good and curious and eager. 
On Saturday, we rode out into the woods on the trail.  It was so fun.  He was great.  Very happy, excited and, again, forward and eager.  We sank in pretty deeply in some spots, but he showed no fear and was fine with horses right behind us and in front of us.  He continues to surprise me with his willingness and smarts.  We have so many fun adventures ahead.

Ride in the snow tomorrow?

Am hoping to go ride Paco in the deep snow tomorrow.  It snowed about a foot and a half yesterday.  Pretty much the whole state had a snow day.  It was quite beautiful, really, and still is.  I don't know why I didn't get out more in it today - I could have snow shooed or cross country skied.  Tomorrow, I have a client in the morning and then will head to the barn.  I am excited and a tiny bit nervous about riding out in the snow.  I haven't ridden much the past few weeks because of snow and cold weather.  Those just sound like excuses, though. 
When I go and play with Paco, I am always happy that I did.  I think my real struggle is with getting myself out the door, sometimes.  Are these Vermont winters getting to be a bit much for me?  or am I just being a woos :-)  I was on the tired side today because the dog woke me up at 4 am.  She wanted to go outside - she goes through phases of needing to relieve herself in the middle of the night.  I had a hard time falling back asleep.  I had awoken from a dream in which I was sitting on the side of the road and holding Paco around his neck.  I was also singing in the dream.  I wish I had written something down from it right when I woke up, in my memory it was a pretty song, but there is no way I would be able to recreate it now.   
G'night... hopefully I will have stories to tell of fun adventures tomorrow.

And the months go by...



Paco the clown during quarantine



Pretty Paco with his mane up to keep him cool on a hot day

So I named him Paco, and we have been on such an amazing journey these past several months.  He was quite sick when he arrived to quarantine, and thin, and his hooves were bad, but he patiently waited to get better and loved the wonderful attention that he received.  He stayed in QT for nearly two month and was about a two hour drive away, but I went down to visit with him and play with him once a week while he was there.  After looking around at a bunch of the barns in the area, it became clear that he wasn't going to be well enough to be introduced to a barn for a few more months, so we set up a stall and paddock here at home.  It was a big undertaking, but it was lovely to finally have him home.  The picture below is on the day he arrived.  We were so happy to have him home with us.  I am going to continue to write about our experience and our learning and growth.  To see a video of what we are doing now, you can go to Paco in January 2011 - after about a month undersaddle.

Another Chance 4 Horses


I had a dream, not long after I was divorced, or sometime during that period, that I was in this great big glass walled space with large paintings on the floor. People were scattered around, on the floor, working on their paintings and there was a spot for me to make a painting, too, but it was already partially painted. I was sitting atop a large white/grey horse with a thick neck and long mane and I had a good view of what everyone was doing. I had a choice, I could continue to fill in the rest of the painting that was started, though I had a clear sense that it was not me who had begun it, or I could clear that space and start an entirely new painting. That was what I wanted to do, but I didn’t know where to start. I just remembered this dream as I am sitting here reading “The Wishing Year” by Noelle Oxenhandler. Could it be that I am in a time in my life when I am starting my very own, new painting? It feels a bit that way…


My mother… I wonder why I want her approval so much…What would it give me that I don’t already have? Do I want to be like her? Do I want to be the opposite of her? What is it that I want from her? Unconditional love, security? I know that deep down she does love me unconditionally, but I don’t feel like she does. I feel like it is a qualified love. Like if I am not someone that she is proud to have as her daughter, then I do not deserve her love. I told my therapist recently that I worry that I carry a deep seeded belief that if if really want something badly, that I automaticallt won’t get it. That if I hold something too dear, then something bad is going to happen. I just adopted a rescue horse that would have been sold for slaughter had someone not been able to put up bail for him. I haven't met him yet, but I think he is going to be lovely. I prayed and sent out healing thoughts for him, but he arrived at the vet check with a runny nose and a gash on his chest. I wanted him anyways and had him shipped up to a barn outside of Saratoga, NY. He is being taken good care of there, but I haven't even met him yet. I will go down to see him on Saturday. I have all of these hopes for him and for me and for our future partnership, but I am afraid at some level that all of the love that I feel for him will have some sort of cosmic backfire. I know how silly that sounds, but on some f'ed up level, that is how my mind works. Just as I am writing this, I received a picture of his wound from the lovely woman that is taking care of him, and it is looking so much better! I just can't wait to go and be with him and give him a big hug! She says she is going to give him a bath today, and I am hoping to have a new picture to post, also. Yay!

These are pictures of my new friend that were taken by AC4H, hopefully I will have more pictures to post of him soon!

been so long...

time to get back in the habit... or at least create one...
happily home on my couch between my sleeping dog and my sweet son. A beautiful evening in Vermont. Tomorrow the pup has to have a little bump removed from her tail and will probably lose the last third of it. Having a hard time letting it sink in. Hoping that the biopsy will say that it is nothing serious, but it looks bad on first glance. So she is getting lots of extra love. She is a sweet soul and has an ever wagging tail. I will be different after tomorrow. We are blessed by her kindness and hope that she will weather the surgery well. Peace to All...

Clearing my desk

Sorting through what is and isn't important.  Throwing stuff out that I don't need.  It seems to never end but I know that I can get though a lot of it if I just start chipping away.  And there is something so uplifting about a cleared desk.  ADD at its best... piles of paper - everywhere.  I have actually gotten much better than I used to be.  The only really out of control zone is my office/sunroom, but I would be so psychically freed if my space were clearer.