Clearing my desk

Sorting through what is and isn't important.  Throwing stuff out that I don't need.  It seems to never end but I know that I can get though a lot of it if I just start chipping away.  And there is something so uplifting about a cleared desk.  ADD at its best... piles of paper - everywhere.  I have actually gotten much better than I used to be.  The only really out of control zone is my office/sunroom, but I would be so psychically freed if my space were clearer.

The Fall

It sounds more ominous than it is... The Fall.  But here I am, struggling with intuition versus reason.  Or perhaps it is not intuition so much as feeling.  I am pulling away or pushing away from something that seems good and important and working on figuring out what that feeling derives from.  I want to be honest with myself and clear.  I want to be living intentionally, but the mind can become a bit of a tangled maze and I am not finding any clear answers.  I am reading a lot.  Can the Dalai Lama help?  Martha Beck?  Eckhart Tolle?  But no answers are clear.  

I know that I love my kids and want to be with them, first and foremost.  I love helping others through my work and interactions.  I feel great after going to Bikram, though getting myself into that hot room is sometimes quite a challenge.  But Relationship, the romantic kind?  Why don't I feel like I have room in my life for that right now?  Why do I get so claustrophobic feeling?  Romantic love is the most beautiful and lovely thing and I am so fortunate to even have a chance at it, but then why is it making me feel badly in the pit of my stomach.  I know that that feeling must be telling me something.  Am I not letting myself be still enough to be present for whatever the answer is, or is there no one answer to be heard?

Finding my way

Summer is here. All is green, life expands and breathes more deeply as the rain fallls and then the sun shines. My back porch is a haven of peace and beauty, and yet the days fly by and I am not spending as much time as I would like to out there. Still needing to catch up with desk work, but kind of avoiding it. This concious living is a challenge -and I am imperfect at it. I so want to feel/be grounded and present, but instead I procrastinate and wait until I am under pressure to act.
I went to Bikram Yoga last night and felt great afterwards, though I ran out of steam in the middle of it because I hadn't had a chance to eat in the afternoon. But then got to meet with my sweetie, Jim, and go hear some good Jazz in downtown Burlington. My heart is full these days, and I feel incredibly lucky to be sharing time with such caring and warm spirit. We sort of stumbled into this and I can't help but feel that perhaps some intention that I sent out to the universe was manifested... I mean I did kind of ask for a carpenter who does yoga and would be evolved enough to read Eckhard Tolle to come into my life... little did I know that he was already in my life. Its so good. I feel so fortunate.
Namaste all!

time flies

I can't believe how quickly the days and weeks go by. The lawn is green, the daffodils are up - spring appears to really be here! This morning, I took my dogs for a run then exercised with some weights and have been feeling wonderfully all day. I love how great I feel when I start the day with getting my heart a pumpin'. I haven't been as good about that as I used to be, though, so I have a lot of exercising and eating well to do to get me back on track. A friend told me about myfitnesspal.com, so I have begun logging my eating and exercise on there. Just that accountability is a huge help in the "making conscious choices" department. Such a rollercoaster journey I am on. Some days I have plenty of energy and can tackle anything. Other days, I have a tough time accomplishing much of anything. I know that my eating, exercising and sleeping choices make a huge difference. I let myself off the hook too easily, though. I remember the psychic twins telling me that. I need to push myself harder to work harder. When I do, amazing things happen and I feel great.
Blessings to all - off to take my son to lacrosse practice - mom on a mission, that I am.

Am I being a true friend?

The weeks are flying by. Spring is coming. We have had a bit on our plate, trying to figure out a better school solution for my younger son, and helping some of my new team members develop their businesses.
This practice of consciousness is helpful in so many ways, though I find myself befuddled at times, still, and caught up in emotions that seem urgent, but then manage to pass quite quickly. There is so much to be awake for. So many questions to ask oneself and ponder.
I have a friend I love dearly who is making some choices that I have a hard time with. I want to support her, and yet I find myself a bit irritated with her because she is sticking her head in the sand. Do I want to hold her accountable for her choices? Does she want me to hold her accountable for her choices? I want her to feel like she can confide in me, but I am concerned about her, and perhaps the mark of being a true friend is being able to help her reflect on her choices - but my assumption is that she doesn't want to reflect. So, if I don't confront her about her acting outside of her integrity, then I am not acting within my integrity either. Ugghhh.... getting real is tough stuff.

It's Friday Already?

How did this week go by so quickly? I have definitely felt as though my intention to be more conscious has had a profound impact on my week. I have eaten differently, interacted differently, been more focused and "accomplished" more. I have been taking some time when I wake up to set my intentions for the day and send healing thoughts to people I am concerned about. I have thought more about what I would like to have happen, and then let go of any expectations. My time feels much more "alive" when I function this way.
So, thank you for reading this. I hope it can be a reminder to you to be present and thoughtful.
Sending healing thoughts out to all.

An afternoon of skiing

My wonderful day continued with an afternoon of skiing. My sons had gone to the mountain a bit earlier with their Dad, but I found them all there and got to ski with my boys. One snowboards and the other skis and I was amazed by their skill. A knee injury and the resulting surgery have meant that I didn't ski much this year or last, so I had missed seeing much of their evolution on the mountain. So I am so very impressed by them - their budding independence and enthusiasm for finding their power. Even though my younger son did bump his wrist, we iced it a bit and then he attacked the mountain again for several more runs before the end of the day.
The mountain was sunny and warm - the sky a deep cerulean. Trees near the top of the lift still shone with a cover of luminescent ice.
And tonight I had a lovely conversation with a woman who I admire and feel so fortunate to be getting to know better. We are hosting a call tomorrow night for the team we are on in our business of helping people improve their nutrition and well being. So tonight, as I prepare for sleep, I am thankful for how good life can be on a day of living consciously.
Namaste.

Great Choice!

Well, I am so happy that I made that "conscious" choice this morning, and am thankful that my blogging helped me do so. It was so beautiful and the dogs were able to run around in their crazy circles. There were wonderful little footprints in the snow - delicate little paws. At one point my dogs were in the woods and as I was pulling out my phone to take a picture (not a phrase I ever would have imagined writing 20 years ago) I noticed that there was an owl in a tree directly above them. Of course, my movement alerted the owl and it swivelled its head and looked at me, lifted itself off of its branch and flew directly towards me, swooping past my head about 8 feet away. I was breathless. Couldn't catch a photo, though. Then, as we emerged from the woods onto a big field, we saw two red tailed hawks. They glide and float on the wind so extraordinarily. Ahhhh... So great.

Sunday Morning

A quiet, sunny Sunday morning. I am about to take my dogs for a walk. I live in such a peaceful place. I am trying to decide if I should jog, or put my show shoes on and cross the large field across the road from me. I think I should grab the opportunity to enjoy the snow while I can. We can't have too many more weeks of it. Daffodil tips are pushing their way through the soil where the snow has melted. Spring will be here soon. It has been a long winter, and I am thankful for all of the snow we have had. It had been years since we have had a "real winter."
So, off I go. A lovely way to begin a Sunday. Peace to all.

"Conversations with God"

I am reading a book called "Conversations with God - An Uncommon Dialogue" by Neale Donald Walsch. It is very interesting. It concerns the concept with God being within all of us. Whatever your concept of God is. And that the way to converse with Him/Her/Whatever is to just begin. The book is basically a person's transcription of his conversations. And it is amazing what happens when one begins to just ask questions and await the answers. I have been reading the book for a while, while also reading Eckart Tolle's book, and it all fits together.

It doesn't mean that I am making perfect choices or that I have suddenly become religious, but there is enormous comfort in realizing that I can ask myself what to do when I am confused. I keep forgetting that I can do that, but when I remember, it is like I am conversing with my guide, and I don't think I have ever had such a clear sense of that.

Today, it has felt important to me to just be. I don't know why. I didn't want to go out and shop or work on my taxes(though I am almost done :) ) . I just want to be warm in my home with my silly dogs curled up on the couch next to me. Learning to blog. Getting comfortable with this new form of expression. Hoping that it can be a way for me to help others, to open my heart. To learn and grow.

learning to blog...

Okay, so I have spent much of my morning learning how to set up my blog. This is all new to me and I feel inspired by all of the possibilities that this creates. I love the idea of creating a daily habit of sharing consciousness. I also love the way that I can share links to products and organizations that I care about.
I want to learn to express myself with confidence, I want to become less afraid of saying what I think and sharing what I care about.
So many of us are on a journey to creating our best lives. We also wish to provide for and teach our children to live consciously and understand how much control they have over their inner and outer lives. We have to learn and relearn that we mush choose not to be victims - that we have much more freedom than we give ourselves credit for - especially as adults.
Eckhart Tolle's books "The Power of Now" and "A New Earth" are great guides for us. As is the program taught by the The Landmark Forum. They give us the tools to learn to separate that voice we hear in our heads - that critical and judgemental voice, the voice that tells us that we are our stories - from the true consciousness that we are.
We are beings of energy. All matter consists of energy. That energy ties us all to one another, and it both makes each one of us unique and part of the greater whole. Some of what I do professionally is bodywork, and it has taken me years to feel like I can really believe in that energy. We are taught as children not to listen to our intuition, at least, I was. We are taught not to believe in things that are not concrete, or that we cannot record on film. But there is indeed, a layer of reality(and I use that word consciously) that exists even though it is very hard to quantify or record, and to refuse to believe in it or to acknowledge it, is to miss out on the great miracle of our existence. And what a miracle it is. Imagine if we could remember about that miracle in every moment. Maybe we could try that on and see how it feels.

beginning on a path

Ahh, so it begins... a blog... a modern day journal for public consumption. I want this to follow me, or guide me on my path to living more consciously. Learning to use "that voice in my head" as a helper - a voice to bounce ideas off of - a voice to help me learn to live by making choices, not just reacting. My hope is that we are all on this path. That we all want to learn to live more consciously, to examine our choices, to think before we act. And also that we learn about human nature at its source, that we learn to love people because of who they are, not who we imagine they are. Just as we are not our stories, nor are they the stories that we make up about them. We accept ourselves where we are and we do the same for others.
What is the nature of distress? Being unhappy with what is? or not even being conscious enough to discover what really is? If we recognize what really "is" in every moment, will we find ourselves more at peace. Will I find myself more at peace? Can I help others find their peace, too?